Get Rich or Die Trying

The internet is an extremely interesting prospect for all the dreamers in the world who want to get rich quick. For the first time it is possible to start a successful company without any risk.

In the past, dreams of success required at least a little initiative. If you wanted to make millions selling delicious ice cream, you would need to go buy some milk, sugar, and rock salt, open up a stand, and wait around. The internet dream is like drawing a picture of an ice cream cone and hoping the cash will start flowing in.

Facebook is a testament to the new age of business. Mark Zuckerberg probably created other websites before Facebook, and would have probably created others if it had not been such a hit. When a business fails, the owner can go bankrupt. When a website fails, the user makes his way around forums to promote his next work of genius.

"I have a created an amazing new website. It's called pleasegivemeyourmoney.com. It's fun and 90% of every dollar goes to getting me a freakin' X-Box 360."

A sure failure, but no worries. Just move on and create another waste of cyberspace.

What's Going On

I thought I would summarize some of the events of the past week for those of you who have been on vacation or just hate to be informed about the world.

McCain comes up with ad idea mocking Obama's celebrity status using Dorothy Gish and Fay Wray. Realizing neither actress is still alive, McCain's aids secretly edit Paris Hilton into the commercial.

Obama throws out the race card, unaware that McCain was holding the "here he goes bring up race" card. It's +2 to blocking and +4 to irritation from suburban families. Very effective.

Morgan Freeman narrates his entire car accident and following emergency response, going so far as to drive his paramedics to tears with beautiful dialogue about the tragedies of life.

As athletes begin to arrive in China, concerns are raised about human rights, air pollution, and awakening ancient dragons.

A suspect in the anthrax case commits suicide. Good enough for us. Case closed.

You Say You Want a Revolution

It is in the human spirit to revolt. The youth have always looked for any way to take down the establishment. There is simply angst in human nature, and throwing rocks and flipping over cars is a way to release that anger.

The pre-Vietnam War-protesting hippies really showed that humans are hard to satisfy.

"Hey, join the family business, you will be able to buy a house, raise a family, and do whatever you want," the parents said.

"I'm tired of your oppression!" the kids yelled back, "I'm going to drop some acid and make mud angels to show you how I feel about your stupid 'job'."

It makes you wonder where the protesters are today. There is no lack of reasons to get involved.

Are the youth of today too drugged up on energy drinks and Halo to take a stand? It is a lot easier to take your aggression out on a gooey alien as opposed to the government. It doesn't require being gassed, arrested, or standing up.

I'm not asking for the streets to be filled with demonstrations. I enjoy being able to drive to work without "accidentally" running over people in my way. I just wonder where all that angst went.

A Glass Case of Emotion

There are things we do that defy logic. Sometimes we move forward solely based on our emotions. Yesterday, as I was trapped in a epic struggle with a puzzle, stubbornness and frustration flowed through the air, suffocating anyone foolish enough to walk by.

When I was handed a cube with interlocking pieces and told to take it apart, no one was aware that my life was about to take a dramatic turn. My new goal, one that trumped all others, was to reassemble the cube. I could not rest until there were no loose pieces.

It's easy to watch from a distance and say, "it's just a stupid puzzle, just throw that thing away, I don't care". I realized the ridiculousness of my situation. The cube had no impact on my life whatsoever and I had more important things to do. It did not matter.

When I finally completed the puzzle much later, it was not a moment of triumph, more of a snap back into a reality. I felt I had wasted my time and had nothing to show for it. I don't know why I cared so much. I wasn't trying to prove anyone wrong. I wasn't even trying to prove myself wrong. I knew I could do it with enough time.

Thus is humanity, we may have foolish goals, but we are sure tenacious and stubborn. In the end, there really is no logic, only our emotional drives and some damn cubes that need assembling.

Television Blues

Congratulations everyone, we have finally done it. There is no longer anything on the airwaves that requires any thought. It was a long process, but we got rid of those stupid documentaries and annoying news reports.

When History Channel finally removed their last historical program and added on "Shockwave" I let out a cry of joy. At last, my dream of watching things explode on 6 channels simultaneously was achieved.

It was a matter of time before they connected with today's society. The ultimate sign of awesomeness was when the History Channel played a marathon of Monster Quest on memorial day. Nothing gives a huge middle finger to our fallen soldiers like a day of men claiming a 30 foot tall wolf is sending them hidden messages.

Viewers find pundits and special reports are far more interesting than journalists and news stories. The TV executives have finally given the public what they want.

Forget channel specific programming. No one wants music on MTV or history on The History Channel. I want Spike to be indistinguishable from PBS. Someone hand Jim Lehrer fireworks or something, I'm falling asleep over here.

King of Ramenia

The bar has been raised higher for each consecutive generation. Thousands of years ago, if you made it through the day without being eaten by a tiger you could call it a success. If you came home with some meat or fruit there was a celebration in store.

We have exploded past our survival days. Excluding cars, mortgage payments, and laser tag sessions, if you make $10 an hour you can keep yourself fed for a month after one day of work. If you told a farmer a few hundred years ago he could live a year off of 2 weeks of work, he would have burned you at the stake.

For any other time there were two options if you didn't want to work hard. You could be king, or you could be dead. Considering the fact that most kings who just sat around and ate all day ended up dead anyways, there was really only one option.

I've never plowed a field or haul giant bricks up a mountain. I make money without having to stand up. It is really quite ridiculous.

The world is not at the point where everyone can have 3 meals a day, but I think it is tiptoeing in a positive direction. Each new ramen factory brings us one step closer to ending world hunger.

Another One Down the Tube

America is a democracy where we elect people like us to represent us. It is why voters choose someone they would enjoy having a beer with over a candidate who is out of touch. Explain then how 75% of Americans use the internet, yet an embarrassingly large number of leaders don't know the difference between an ethernet port and a DVD player.

I don't expect a senator to walk around holding an iPhone and talking on his BlueTooth, but I would like him to be able to know that the internet is more than "a series of tubes".

30 years ago, I would have expected my senators to at least be able to use a typewriter instead of scribbling things down with a quill pen. Everyone knew the internet would change the world over ten years ago. Five years ago you were either using the internet or living in a tree fort.

Here is a little instruction guide for getting online. Click the power button then click the little blue 'e' twice with the mouse.. No no, don't worry Ted Stevens, you won't break the internet.