Alert: New Danger TBA

Driving today, I played a game of mental connect-the-dots. Somehow I ended up thinking about the issue of the elderly and driver's licenses. It's an old issue that was extensively covered 2 year ago. It was a hot topic being talked about in 24-hour cable debates, TV headlines, and internet articles. Then, it all died away. Was it that the elderly stopped getting into accidents? I find it hard to believe that there were tons of incidences involving seniors crashing into circus tents full of disabled children one week, and then the next week everything was safe and sound.

This brought to mind all the hullabaloo about contaminated Chinese products coming to America last summer. Though there is still a little discussion, the fad seems to have died away. It started out serious, with lead paint on children's toys. By the time the story began dying away, newscasters were pulling out anything they could get their hands on.

The media is like a class of cheating students back in school. There must be some smart journalist who is getting the new scoops, and all the other networks watch and change some of the answers so its not obvious they copied.

News stations don't currently seem to be clawing too hard for a new topic. The elections are keeping them busy. There are all kinds of scoops, from the candidates' favorite pastas to least favorite Michael Bolton songs. Piles and piles of useless news are just lying around, waiting for another dry spell.

A Lasso Made of Words

Ensnaring people in a conversation is an art form. I have neither the knowhow or the energy to capture an individual with my words. Some people can keep you trapped for an hour. I commend them for their talent, but also fear for my life when they pass by.

I have already been trapped in two long conversations this morning. I don't know what it is about today, but I must look eager to have a heart-to-heart. When I'm talking, I always give the listener a chance to abandon ship. After five minutes of solo speaking, unless there is a crowd gathering around, your listener is daydreaming about all the productive things they could be doing instead of hearing your story.

The fact that most humans would prefer hear their own voice is one of those huge shames in life. If you really want your listener to care, you better have something really good to talk about.

J6ShawnH61

Keeping track of my passwords is getting more and more difficult. I have about 10 separate passwords. I have one for my home computer, work computer, email, punch-card page, and two for online banking. Those are just the ones I go on daily. I have many additional assorted ones. The worst part is most of those have to be changed consistently, so that no one can secretly read my emails while punching me out for an hour lunch break.

The problem with a desire for a universal password is that every site seems to have a different requirement for passwords. My main password has no numbers. Some sites require at least one or two. Some sites make you put in a capital letter. Others require you to have at least one Bob Dylan reference in your password.

Until I figure out a password that contains letters, numbers, symbols, at least one Waynes brother, is less than 6 characters, and is more than 7 characters, I'm out of luck.

Freshman Friday

I wonder how the process of easing a new individual into the presidency works. The election portion is well covered through television, radio, newspapers, flyers, water-cooler discussions, cereal boxes, action figures, etc., but there is not as much discussion of the first few days in office. When does he get to learn all the dirty little secrets.

One method of getting the new president up to date would be to throw out all the information at once. It would be a lot of unsettling news, but it would avert many uncomfortable situation. "Mr. President, may I introduce Jimmy Hoffa. Oh really...I could have sworn we told you. Must have slipped my mind." I actually bet that I would be let down from what I learned. There was probably a lone gunman, no UFO cover up, and a real moon landing.

Easing a president into the information would probably be safer, but makes you question who really runs the government.

Same Show, New Washed Up Celebrities

It's amazing to me that shows like American Idol don't update. It would be easy to change the format in exciting ways while the show is still successful. Instead, they ride the show until it nosedives into a flaming pile of overused reality TV gags. By the time the producers realize they should have a Celebrity American Idol, an amazing new sitcom about people in their late 20's trying to find love in a big city will be spanking it in the ratings.

Shows that end in their prime always impress me. Seinfeld managed to recognize that Kramer sliding into the room would only be funny for 200 episodes or so. It was the late 90's, and people's tastes were becoming more refined. Observational humor was out, soon to be replaced by immunity challenges and scorpion eating.

The part that stings the most is that I guarantee the creativity/success connection is a very, very loose one. We want to believe that the most creative people get ahead, but that is not the case. If that were so, then explain Law and Order: Angry Spouse Adventures, or 98 Degrees. I think I'm still just angry because Arrested Development never caught on. The 1.3% of the population that watched, you are cool with me. To those other idiots...you know what you did. Quick, The Big Bang Theory is coming on.

Change We Are Afraid to Believe In

In history books, certain technological breakthroughs are described as explosions that dramatically change a society. Reading about the industrial revolution gives the impression that one day everyone was plowing their fields with an ox and two sticks, and they woke up the next morning on the 12th story of a New York high rise with a hangover from a night of swing dancing.

The world around the time of the new millennium is progressing much faster than it ever has before. History books centuries from now will make it seem like we were dialing our friends on a rotary phone and marveling at calculators one day, and then we woke up plugged into the world with information and communication at our finger tips.

Technology progresses in such a smooth way that we don't notice how rapidly we are really moving. When I first saw Mario 64 at Toys 'R' Us ten years ago, I fell to my knees and cried, "What sorcery has God cast onto this world!" Now it looks like a drunken developer from EA had access to a computer one Friday night.

I'm still frightened at the idea of where technology is taking us, but if you look at it from an historical perspective, future generations usually see old technology as having brought positive progress, and new technology as being scary and confusing. I don't want to own a cotton plantation or train to become a tailor. I want to press my fingers down a few times and get a t-shirt delivered to my door a week later. I thank Eli Whitney and Steve Jobs for that.

New Christmas Card City

China scares me. There's something frightening about a country that has grown out of nothing to become a world superpower, or a country that can have a city devoted entirely to making deodorant. There's something even more frightening about a country that can bring its Olympic torch to the top of Mount Everest. The closest America had to that accomplishment was recovering the torch at a pawnshop after getting mugged on the way through Detroit.

Americans don't like the idea of another nation taking the lead in the world. It's like the idea of choosing driving over flying even though it's more dangerous. People feel better with control over a situation. We like to know that we have a .00000078% say in one of two people that will decide which countries we are mad at.

I would like to congratulate China though. They had some tough teen years, but then really seem to be studying hard in community college. I only hope that they don't become snobby during grad school.