Calorie Crazy

It is so hard to stay healthy in America. The system is unintentionally designed to keep us fat. Many factors contribute to this.

The first problem is that health is not easy. Small neighborhood markets no longer exist. You have to push your way through a giant store to get to produce that will go bad in three days. If you just buy frozen food instead, you won't have to repeat the nightmare again for another month.

Another issue is price. My healthy side says to get a salad when I'm out. My good shopper side says that if I use the dollar menu, I can get a bag of burgers for cheaper.

The final issue is obviously the deliciousness of fatty foods. I can't help it. A bucket of grease on a wad of meat is the best thing in the world.

I don't even want to get into working out. Talk about a hassle.

Political Yahtzee

Politics these days really is amazing. It is no longer about a decent person coming forward to lead the country. It is more like a game of chess between two ad agencies where each move is crucial.

In the old days it was possible to make mistakes. A candidate could get up on stage and accidentally threaten the pope, and it may not even be reported on. Now everything is being taped. A presidential candidate cannot play Yahtzee with his family without it ending up on youTube.

Instead of it being about a single person, it is about the dozens of people sitting in a room figuring out a strategy to take down their opponent through subtle hints and downright attacks.

Everyone knew in advance what McCain's move would be yesterday. It still worked like a charm. It was like Obama's speech never existed. Now the ball is in Obama's court. Let's see if all this basketball he's been practicing will pay off.

Funny Bone

Humor is an integral part of human life. We all strive to laugh and enjoy ourselves, but there is a lot involved.

The great thing about humor is the risk that is required. When you make a statement like "South Africa is really going through hard times", there is no risk. When you add "that's because you can't get much harder than diamonds", you put yourself out there to face ridicule, and even worse, silence. Make jokes like that too many times and you will end up without friends.

Everyone's sense of humor is different. By telling a joke, you may end up insulting someone. I've never understood how insulted some people can get by comedy. They are trying to make you laugh, not attacking your kids with a bat. No need to burst into flames.

Comedians are some of the bravest people on Earth. If you boo a bad band, you are a jerk. If you boo a bad comedian, you are just part of the crowd.

Refusing to be funny, on the other hand, labels you as boring. Damn us complex humans. It's all just a giant balance act.

To Each Their Own

One of the things that makes the world interesting is how different people are from one another. For all of our similarities, there is a distinctive uniqueness in each of our personalities.

The proof comes in the form of television documentaries. We all know there are medical experts and political experts, but when it comes to more obscure topics, you can still find that expert you need. The Discovery Channel is doing a documentary on frogs and they need a frog saliva expert for one of their segments? No problem. Somebody out there has devoted their life to this topic.

An expert on staplers? Pez dispensers? Cuisine in 1568? Aquaman? I'm sure these people exist, and would be willing to speak to a camera about what they know.

If anyone needs an expert on MS Paint, I'm your guy to come to. I may not be particularly proud of the ability I picked up years ago, but if The Science Channel came to me, I would be willing to explain all about the airbrush.

Hilldog

Like the rest of the media, I was unsure about how Clinton's speech would go over. Would she unite the party? Would see speak positively of Obama? To my horror the answer to these was "yes". I had no way of knowing a politician like Hillary would do this. Honestly, I made a huge mistake. I wrote my blog last night before the speech started, and have learned to never make assumptions again. I have no time today to make revisions, so I apologize for the inaccuracies in my "recollection" of events.

The second I saw Senator Clinton walk onto the stage I knew the night would be a disaster. Her "Clinton-Clinton '08" shirt was completely inappropriate. Calling Obama's change equivalent to the change brought on by an outbreak of Ebola was just downright mean.

The real shocker was when McCain took the stage and high-fived Hillary. That just has no place at a Democratic convention.

Just when I thought the worst was over, violence erupted on the floor. Hillary yelled to her supporters to attack anyone wearing an Obama shirt. Delegates clashed with each other, thrusting their signs and ripping off pins. The one positive moment was Clinton's quote, "You'll need universal health care when I'm done with you". I thought it was brilliant tie-in.

Why this year, with so much on the line, did the Democrats not come together? Why wasn't Hillary's speech unifying? Why Hillary, why?

Once again, I apologize for my mistake. Clinton made huge strides to unify the Democrats. I am just as shocked as all the commentators were. I'm still waiting for Bill's speech though. We all know he's a loose canon and could say anything about Barack.

List O' Shame

Awkwardness is a part of life, and I have had my share of uncomfortable situations. I would like to painfully reflect on some of the levels of awkwardness.

-A failed high five. The weird miss/half slap that makes both parties feel lame.

-An elevator ride with someone from work you barely know. Trapped in a box of tension.

-The "not sure what your level of comfort is" embrace. Not as bad when you embrace the same way, but very uncomfortable when one goes in for a handshake while the other tries for a hug.

-The "I used to know you but never very well" ignore. When you recognize someone but don't want to talk to them. It takes a lot of concentration to pretend like you never noticed them, but you both know.

-The "I used to know you but never very well" embrace. It goes very well for the first minute, but quickly turns horrific when you realize there is no easy way to leave the conversation. "Well, I'll see you again someday maybe..."

-Accidentally responding to something not directed at you. "Oh you were waving to the person behind me. Excuse me while I crawl into a ball in the corner."

I would like to say that all failures make us stronger, but thinking back to every embarrassing situation is like a kick in the stomach. Much better to just block them out of my memory. Excuse me while I go make a fool out of myself.

School of Rock

Our schools are failing and it will have dire consequences for our future. A country with a good education system can overcome economic hardships because the workforce has useful skills that will be needed again in time. A country with poor education could end up getting lost in the world. What is the problem?

Unlike almost every other job in America, teachers pay is based on the amount of time employed, not on skill or effort. That means that the old grungy woman complaining about her husband is earning more money than the young exuberant professional trying to make a difference for her students. That's not to say experience does not play a part. I had some wonderful teachers who were older and knew exactly what they were doing. The issue is that some did not care anymore. One teacher I had would read the class a long article in the newspaper every morning in a tone that would put a cokehead to sleep. I would wake up drowned in a puddle of drool.

Another problem is the system is easily manipulated. The most handy thing I ever learned was how to pass a class without ever reading or paying attention. It helped me to get by later on and never actually learn useful skills, but pretend like I did. This is a tricky situation. Kids are a lot smarter than you think. It may look like they are daydreaming, but really they are thinking of ways to overthrow the system.

Money is not the problem. There are situations where materials are old and falling apart that it would be nice to get a few more books, but if kids in other countries can learn calculus with a rock and a piece of bark, then a few ripped pages is not the issue. The problem is the culture. It is cool to be stupid and nice looking books cannot do anything about that.

This is a difficult problem to solve, but it is essential for the future. The education system is like a failing business, and the only way to turn it around is to get in new ideas and completely reinvent everything.