Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Habits of Highly Abnormal People

How similar are my bathroom habits to the rest of the human race? It's a solo experience. I've never read a book on it. How would I know if the proper etiquette was to fold toilet paper into a little swan before usage?

I was blissfully unaware that I was holding my kitchen utensils wrong until an embarrassingly older age. I had been using the shovel grip, as I found it to be the most efficient way for scooping huge portions of food into my mouth. Maybe I'm less perceptive than most, but I never noticed I was eating differently.

I also never realized that I drink bottles with the side of my mouth. No one informed me for years that it looked like I either had a mouth injury, or was European.

The thing that usually gives me comfort is the feeling that given a certain situation, almost everyone will respond the same way. Call it instinct, or the shared human experience, but I figure my thoughts and actions are the same as others all around the world. That's why I'm sure that like me, most people tie their pants around their heads in the bathroom to avoid any mess.


jq said...

"That's why I'm sure that like me, most people tie their pants around their heads in the bathroom to avoid any mess."

You, sir, are odd. Or perhaps you're just that "special," wiffle-ball-tossing guy from the last thread.

I personally learned to wield a spoon in my early teens, in a (weak) effort to impress a girl at summer camp. I don't think she ever noticed the dork across the table and four kids down switching from the shovel-grip to the pretty little princess grip, but what the heck.

If I had to pick one my "weird" habits, it would be the way I hold a sandwich, hamburger, etc; my grip places the thumb and pinky finger of each hand beneath the sandwich, with the intervening three fingers on top, thus preventing the contents of said sandwich from falling out. I consider it ingenious, but others find it weird.

To each his own...

Anonymous said...

Hey-- that was you? :) My long lost soul mate! Not only did I notice, but I picked up my spoon the wrong way and started shoveling food in there so you would feel comfortable moving closer to me on the bench. ;D

Seriously, though-- impeccable table manners are for total strangers. LOL!