Sunday, August 3, 2008

Television Blues

Congratulations everyone, we have finally done it. There is no longer anything on the airwaves that requires any thought. It was a long process, but we got rid of those stupid documentaries and annoying news reports.

When History Channel finally removed their last historical program and added on "Shockwave" I let out a cry of joy. At last, my dream of watching things explode on 6 channels simultaneously was achieved.

It was a matter of time before they connected with today's society. The ultimate sign of awesomeness was when the History Channel played a marathon of Monster Quest on memorial day. Nothing gives a huge middle finger to our fallen soldiers like a day of men claiming a 30 foot tall wolf is sending them hidden messages.

Viewers find pundits and special reports are far more interesting than journalists and news stories. The TV executives have finally given the public what they want.

Forget channel specific programming. No one wants music on MTV or history on The History Channel. I want Spike to be indistinguishable from PBS. Someone hand Jim Lehrer fireworks or something, I'm falling asleep over here.

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