The Flashbrella

The intelligence of our society is consistently challenged by the continued existence of infomercials. The fact that the inventors of infomercial products become millionaires is simply mind boggling.

I have never bought anything off the television, but from time to time the commercials catch me in their tractor beam. I have to grip onto the sofa before I'm sucked towards the phone. Someone tapes two bike wheels to a slinky and rolls around awkwardly on the floor as they claim that they can already feel their abs popping out.

I know the product doesn't work, and even if it did, I have no use for it, but the time in the corner is counting down. What if I change my mind and miss the opportunity? It really is a deal, they said I'll be saving $456. Tractor beam initiated.

As we speak, an inventor is soldering a flashlight to an umbrella, days away from taking a dive into money.