Monday, July 14, 2008

Liar Liar Turban on Fire

We hear the same thing everyday on the news. Idealistic promises from the candidates and changes in rhetoric based on location and current events. There are many things to look out for when a candidate is not telling the truth.

Ending Taxes - Pretending the government doesn't need money. Would be an effective promise if not for the wars, social programs, infrastructure improvements, and millions of other ways the bureaucracy knows how to use up money. Hell, they need all the money they can get right now. Anyone have any loose change?
Phrases to look for: "This year's on us."

Fighting Poverty - Really needs to be done with an improved economy, but allowable in a kung fu context.
Phrases to look for: "When elected, I will implement an empty cans for gold program."

Total Peace in Iraq - They can't even stop drug wars two blocks from their offices. Iraqis have guns, and many times they will shoot anything in sight that's not holding a Quran.
Phrases to look for: "I swear, they're almost out of bullets."

Better Education - Good luck competing against youTube. A snowboarding squirrel beats a well paid teacher every time.
Phrases to look for: "Kids want to study, but their algebra books are a little wrinkled."

Experience to be President - An effective argument for Jimmy Carter or George H.W. Bush. Voting on bills doesn't count as training to command the most powerful military.
Phrases to look for: "I took a tour of the Oval Office, it doesn't look too hard to manage."

As a matter of fact, pretty much everything they say is a lie. They will really only sign a few "give children a better future" bills into law, and answer a lot of question about why so many people hate them.

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