Monday, June 2, 2008

The Seven Essential Sins

The seven deadly sins accurately describe our current society. I'm not saying the founders of the United States used the sins verbatim, but possibly as a reference. Here are some examples:

Greed: The fuel of our capitalist society. Buying bread and clothes is what pushes it forward. Buying a golden sweater vest is what straps rocket skates onto it. If everyone suddenly stopped being greedy, we would realize that the only people with actual skills are in Idaho.

Envy and Pride: I want an HDTV. When I get one, I will brag to everyone about how great it is. Then everyone else will get an HDTV. Whoever is last loses and has to move to Idaho. You know the rules.

Gluttony: We only really need a loaf of bread a day to survive. We dip that bread in butter and deep fry it, with a side of ranch. Many of the biggest corporations exist simply to supply us with useless food and drinks. The rest of the corporations provide fuel to drive us to get that food. I hope no one ever tells Zimbabwe about diet pills. There are just some things about America that no one else needs to know.

Lust and Wrath: Also known as sex and violence. Also known as the entertainment industry. It's what we do in our downtime between working to become rich and eating until we are fat. Sometimes we multitask and do all those things at once.

Sloth: Humans once had to hunt their dinner, kill it, skin it, and then cook it. These days, when I have a meal that takes six minutes in the microwave it's a damn travesty. The goal of the American working man is the earliest possible retirement. I'm not sure if taking up parasailing or bingo relieves you of the title.

We greedily go to work so we can proudly own the same things as people we envy. In our free time we lay around, eat, and watch sex and violence on TV. God would flood the earth again, but then we would just be left with the yacht owners.

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