Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Ode to Hillary

I thought I would take the opportunity on the day of the final democratic primaries to point out some of Hillary Clinton's strengths and weaknesses over the past few months of this race.


Chameleon Abilities: Hillary is from Arkansas, Pennsylvania, New York, Ohio, and Guam. One week she's drinking a latte in Seattle while writing her thesis. The next she's neck deep in coal and whiskey in west Virginia. You look away for a second and shes salsa dancing in Puerto Rico wearing a flowered shirt. Obama only has the "sleeves rolled up" and "sleeves rolled down" looks.

Bending Numbers: Hillary is winning the popular vote if you count Florida, Michigan, and don't count caucus states. She has won more states since February. The crucial "states that begin with 'New'" votes go to her. States that begin with directions have also gone to Clinton if you don't count "North" or "South"

Broad Appeal: Groups from the liberal working class all the way to older liberal white women love her.


Memory Loss: Clinton can't be expected to remember everything from years ago. I don't remember everything that happens on my trips. I usually assume I was under sniper fire and dare friends to prove me wrong.

Bill Clinton: Bill is still pissed from the congressional cock-block of his presidency. He came across less like a campaign asset and more like a crazy uncle.

Slips of the Tongue: Hillary has to speak nonstop for months. She will make mistakes from time to time. The media misinterprets RFK and "anything can happen in the primaries". That could mean anything. I feel just like Clinton when my "Dallas Motorcade" jokes are taken all wrong.

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