Saturday, June 14, 2008

Enemies List

In light of an article on Clinton's enemies list, I have started an enemy list of my own.

Frank Caliendo - I don't remember Al Pachino, Bill Clinton, or George Bush being so fat.

Andy Warhol - Not a creative genius. A hack artist who valued gimmicks over talent. Like Campbell's soup, was extremely famous, but left you unsatisfied and a little nauseous.

Subway/ - The Backstreet Boys of advertising jingles. I hum the songs in my car as my brain slowly caves in on itself.

Eddie Murphy - You've made the same exact movie 8 times. I'm on to you.

Any Band Claiming They Will Be Amazing - Your new CD is not like Sgt. Pepper's for a new generation. While you're claiming the music will shatter social structures, listeners are switching over to Avril Lavigne.

Olmert/Abbas - Stop arguing over Israel and Palestine. Both of you draw a line on a map and the borders will be the average of the two. Don't storm out because you both want the same fig tree. Just do something!

Richard Nixon - Your list is dull and spiteful. Mine covers the reality of current life.

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