House of the Holy

One day I am walking through the forest when I trip on a fake plastic rock. Inside is a Better Homes and Gardens genie. He offers me the chance to build my dream home. Here is what I choose:

Waterfall Doors - The water recedes with the turn of a key. Cool-looking and safe. I want to see a robber steal my TV when he has to walk through 50 tons of falling water.

Lazy River Channels - My house will be like Venice, but with innertubes and beer.

Lego Room - As a kid I never seemed to have enough Legos. I would run out of the 6-long Legos and have to compensate with ridiculous combinations of 4 and 2. Even if I never play with Legos again, I want to know that I won't run out in the middle of an important construction project.

Sassy Old Butler - Kind and dedicated, but isn't afraid to give a little back-talk.

Betamax Library - When people I don't particularly like come over, I offer the a wide assortment of the best in betamax cinema. I laugh hysterically as I watch Bluray in my home theater.

Popup Furniture - Disappearing furniture with the push of a button. Great for indoor freeze tag.

Of course I want the standard giant pool, water slide, and private bowling alley type house, but where's the fun in explaining all that.